Do something together
First of all you want to look at how you’re bonding with your child. Do you spend time together? Do you talk to each other? Communication is key. If you’re leaving your child to their own devices for most of the time, you just aren’t forming a bond between you. Don’t treat them like a roommate, they’re your flesh and blood.
Finding activities the two of you can enjoy together is paramount. You’ve always got to extend the olive branch though. Children are unlikely to put up with an activity they don’t like, but you do. They’re children, after all. They aren’t used to the concept of compromise.
Are you the problem?
Next, you have to be open to the idea that the problem is you, not them. Some children can be difficult, yes. They are not fully formed. They haven’t had the time to pick up vices and bad habits. You have though, and that might be what turns them away from you.
You could be a smoker, and the smell of state smoke makes them not want to be near you. You could be a heavy drinker, and they don’t like seeing you incapable and inebriated or possibly even violent.
There could be a more serious issue that’s driving your child away from you. If you are currently using drugs or have used them in the past, their usage may be what is ruining your relationship. If this seems the case, seek help. Even if not for your sake, but that of your child. Further advice can be sought from a drug addiction treatment center.
Does your child have behavioural problems?
Have you considered your child has a behavioural condition? With a wider spectrum of conditions being researched and diagnosed, it could be your child has a medical condition that is making them unruly and unsociable.
It is important you don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t self-diagnose your child. Don’t be too eager to play off any potential issues either. Be mindful always that only a doctor can make the call on this.
It could just be your child is upset or frustrated about something they aren’t telling you. It may not specifically be about you. They may be directing the anger at you though.
Children are in many ways more complex than adults. Adults can be analysed like they were clockwork. Children are different, they’re not always going to make sense. If you are at your wit’s end, see a professional. A relationship counsellor or a child psychologist may be able to get to the root of the problem, undo the damage already done, and help repair your relationship with your children.
Site last updated: 11. February 2020